The Enchanter's Theorem

So my two daughters are total hams. To the point that one of my new nicknames for the Bean is “Hambone”. Whenever I have a photo shoot that they are present for though, this works in my favor, i.e. “Hey, please stand here while I balance my light.”

And I get shots like these for their participation and my trouble.

Total ham salad.

It’s the best thing ever.

Originally published at ANGELA N. HUNT. You can comment here or there.

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NaNoWriMo.org appears to be down right now and considering how many of us there are, I'm surprised it hasn't gone down more this year.

It's not the novel I thought I was going to write. And I like it better than the idea I had. It's darker and unhappier, but there are things in it that I love so hard even as it's kicking my ass, so I am content.

The next phase is to start writing the nonsense verse for the book, which is going to be a real stretch and challenge as I don't consider myself that great a poet. I write it. I like the bits I've written. I'm not accomplished the way ysabet_wordsmith is or some others I could name.

And really, how much espionage fantasy poetry have you ever read?

Exactly.

But there it is.

* * *

In other news, the Mouse and Bean are off to the pediatrician. The Bean for her next check up and vax shots, the Mouse for the second round of hearing tests.

Yeah.

*breathes*

Here's to hoping it's just wax buildup and not actual hearing loss in that left ear.

* * *

And in the category of things that I am thankful for:

You.

All of you.

I made pumpkin pie and whipped cream for you. You are all amazing. Thank you for being in my virtual and not so virtual life.

*kisses you on the cheek*

You're a diamond of the first water.

Happy Thanksgiving.

And here she is, doing her best impersonation of a Botticelli angel, A.

Aside from the silly grin I get at the comment about send ups of 80s science fiction B movies, I adore these photos. The whole thing. The vibe has been fantastic.

The submission I've put together for the Damned show makes me very happy and comes out of this work. It's probably some of the best work I've ever done. Some of that is due to my facility with Photoshop now.

I know a lot more about digital processing than I did when I started. I'm seriously considering re-working some older pieces with what I know now. A lot of work that I couldn't work with or couldn't save, I now know how to bend to my diabolical will.

Let's hear it for improving as an artist.

Also, giclee paper came last night, so I'll be able to start pulling prints this weekend for the 10/2 show and the Book & Art Party. Yay!

* * *
In the Real World, the Ant fell while carrying the Bean, twisting her ankle badly. Bean's fine, but there was much screaming and crying, and now the Ant has two bad feet, not just one.

*sigh*

Mike and Deni are at the house helping out, but I could just cry.

It's been a super stressful morning.

Bean's pediatrician appointment went swimmingly though. She's in great shape. Though she is deeply suspicious of them there now, because every time she gets there, something bites her in the ass.

Gods, I could use a drink. Or three.

Gods.  The day is brutal.

The Bean is *teething*.  I shit you not.  A back molar, no less, because for her, why go for the traditional front tooth?  Oh no.  Let's go for something else *entirely*.  Precocious.  Yes, we call that precocious.  Gah.

She's eight weeks old today.  Two months.  Dude.

And the rest of the day is just brutal and I'm running and I had to stop and just breathe.  For a moment.  Just a moment.

* * *

I can haz laptop?  Yes!  I can haz!  Many thanks to Master Turnbow for the gift of one each Samwise, a laptop now sitting on my desk at home.  He won't run PS with all the bells and whistles, but Elements will run *fine*, thankyouverymuch. 

*collapses from relief*

I probably won't get much time to start getting him up to speed tonight.  My stupid dance show is on tonight.  But tomorrow should be fine.  I hope.  Today does not bode well for my plans.

Great.  I just broke a damn nail too.  Bad omen #2 for the day.

As for the rest, things are a horror show and I'm trying not to vomit.  Focusing on the smell of Bean's head and Mouse's laugh. 

The rest?  This crap is just temporary.

And at the dayjob I go.

It's...I can't post what it is.  It's not good, let's put it that way.  However, what is good is that I appear to have serious job security. 

I am facing a veritable Everest of backlog.

Gods.

Kill me.

In the meantime, pumping is going well and I only had a bad moment of the milk not wanting to let down, which freaked me out, until I remembered I had to relax.  At which point, all started up to do what it needed to do.  I dislike pumping, but I dislike the idea of the Bean eating formula more than I dislike pumping.

Everyone's been very happy to see me, which has been a wonderful feeling.  I am blessed to work with some great people.  I just wish they were great people at a gallery or a big house publisher.  Yes.  I would like that much better.

That being said, I brought Strange Weather to work.  Going to do some editing here and try not to lose my little kitten mind.

Now for more caffeine.  Yes.

Photo tonight when I get home.

Got no damn sleep last night.  Bean (now officially my Coffee Bean) pulled about two/three hours of being wide awake, starting around 1 am.

Ow.

So exhausted that I asked the Ant to cover for me this morning and took a nap once the Mouse was off to school.

Ow.

I'm going back to work in a little less than a week.

I'm in trouble.

And I'm starving.  It's like I can't put enough food in me to deal with all the nursing I'm doing. 

Ow.

This doesn't last forever though.  That's what I know now in clear relief.  It's actually for a very short period of time.  It's over far too fast.  Just in the meantime, I'm very tired, for a quality and definition of tired that's hard to describe.  You know it's bad when sleep feels like a physical weight that falls on your eyes.

So.

That's all I've gotten done.  Slept in one hour chunks.  Nursed.  Scrambled for food.  Slept.  Nursed.  Taken ibuprofen in amounts that are probably destroying my liver.  I remind myself that it's enough.  My art is patient and isn't going anywhere.  Novel's sitting patiently on the computer.  Hunt Press website is down, but other connectivity is still live, so I'm not losing my mind. 

The Bean's calling for me.  Time to nurse again.

Moo.

Well, last night at around 1 AM, the body *thought* it might be interested in going into something a bit more, well, invested in labor.

Or not.

We did a dry run to the hospital, because by 2 AM, I was exhibiting what my OB told me to look for. When I called her, she told me to go in.

Of course, we get there, and everything decides to start quieting down. So we came home.

I am convinced that the Bean was bored, kicked the system into gear, because she wanted to go for a drive in LA with no cars.

*sigh*

This is probably a sign of her life to come. LOL

I'm tired and I'm a bit sore. I don't know what's going on. I'm basically on maternity leave now, but, this morning has been very quiet. I mean to sew and not think about the process. Thinking leads to worrying leads to madness. I have to trust and allow that the body is doing it's thing and frankly, I'm along for the ride. I'm too damn tired to go into work, and frankly I know in my bones if I try to step up to that level, everything will just go haywire, I'll end up trying to drive to the hospital or being taken in an ambulance and y'know?

I need to fucking chill.

It's a lot harder than it sounds. I'm giving myself up to an elemental force, like weather. You can guess all you want, but until it rains or suns, you don't know what you're going to get. You just wait for it. Allow it to rain or cook your head.

So here I am. I'm going to rest until the Mouse gets home and then see what the Ant and the Margie Mom want to do this afternoon.

And see if I can find my damn state paperwork. That's something I can do...

Had a small scare yesterday, baby wise. I had spotting. Blood for those of you who don't know what that means, a very, very tiny amount. Why is this bad? In third trimester, any, and we do mean *ANY* blood is what they call "abnormal".

In human speak, it means freak the fuck out and call your doctor.

So I did.

Turns out, I have a small tear down there (I'll give details to those who aren't squeamish) on the exterior as it were. Diagnosis: it's fragile from all the blood and water of being pregnant and I was stupid. Overdid it or scratched myself or wiped too hard, whatever, I was stupid. Have been ordered to quit stressing myself out and knock it the fuck off, though in much nicer language than that. Dr. Schneider, my OB, is AWESOME. I am so damn grateful to be in her care this time around.

The husband gets mad props by the way for ditching work and going in with me.

So. I'm fine. Bean is awesome.

But it was not how I wanted to spend my day yesterday.

And then there was the fact that we got into a discussion of higher philosophy in the evening on child raising vs. religion, magick, philosophy and paradigm and, damn, I was exhausted by the end of it, but looking back on it, as tense as the conversation became at times... I am filled with utter gratitude that I have a family that includes *three* very disparate viewpoints and belief systems in regard to G-d(dess, s), perception of the world/reality vs. objective fact/gravity will always win, human interaction, etc. Short version being, how do you answer the simple question of, "Is magic real?" when the house holds a Witch, a Jew and a Christian, and be respectful and tolerant of all that entails.

Answer: you answer very damn carefully, and in my case, pull out textbooks, starting with Aleister Crowley (since that's where I started and so what if she's four) and answer as best you can, while including the caveat that this is merely *one* of *many* ways of viewing this question.

And I pray that she doesn't grow up to be a die hard fundamentalist of any stripe who thinks I'm going to hell for being a Witch. LOL

But, that being said, even if she does, I will always love her and be there for her. That's the job I took when I became the Momma. There's no dodging that one. Any more than there was any guarantee that she would love me. The fact that she does right now is a gift, and I mean to cherish it for what it is. A gift, and not a right.

Love is always a gift.

Intense as yesterday was, today I am filled with this huge heart. My family is brilliant and weird and *thinks*, gods, above all, they *think* about what they believe and they will debate it and defend it and not fall into straw man arguments or name calling. And at the end, we come to consensus and above all, tolerance for each other and our experiences of this world. My daughters will grow up enveloped in an environment where this will be a virtue and not some sign of weakness that you want to talk about things. Where tolerance is not only expected, but demanded. If I'm lucky, they'll grow up like me, having no clue why gender or skin color mean a damn thing. (I found that out later and still think people are crazy for making that demarcation). If I'm lucky, they'll only see humans. Messy, lovely, horrible at times, but utterly, utterly simple humans.

I am blessed. Thank you, Goddess. Just, thank you.

The Bean is officially and most emphatically a girl according to this morning's ultrasound.

Today is very wonderful. The Mouse is beside herself that she's going to have a baby sister. She took one of the ultrasound pictures to school this morning to show her friends.

So.

Two girls.

My poor husband is totally outnumbered and surrounded. He's talking about building a man cave.

This was exactly what was needed today, on a day that's normally sad for me.

Look, Dr. Sagan. Look, Poppa Bear. Life and light persist.