Io Pan

Originally published at Curse & Quanta. You can comment here or there.

or: we say hello to the Pan in the garden.

The green dots are the lasters that were lit throughout the space as little green stars. Absolutely wonderful.

It’s super noisy because of the low light, but I love grain/noise.

* * *

It was a Lost Weekend, but the best kind of Lost. I had an amazing time at the Wasteland Weekend Car Show on Saturday and got a lot accomplished, which included acquiring the first of many large wrenches. (I LOVE MY WRENCH.)

I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I was just so wiped out from the show. But like I said, it was amazing and I’m super glad that I went. It was wonderful fun and just being out on the road felt so good. I had a working audio cable for my phone, my music, nothing but road, and no hurry to be anywhere.

Of course the anxiety tried to eat me alive on Sunday, but that is it’s job. David tells me that it’s logical that I have these reactions. These reactions helped me survive my childhood and my younger life. It did what it was supposed to do. It kept me alive. I just don’t need it now, not in that way and learning that, when it’s all limbic system and lizard brain… It’s all aversion training, which sucks fucking ass.

But the disorder was and still is…a gift.

So today, I’ve been telling the feeling in my solar plexus that I am grateful, that I appreciate it so much, but it can stand down. I don’t know if it makes a difference. But I’m not as pranged today.

In the meantime, both husband and I are on the hunt for the next gig. The life of freelancers.

In the second meantime, I think we need to find Colette another forever home. She escaped the Ant today, and the Ant got injured in recovering her. This isn’t acceptable. It would be one thing if I had the kind of life and money that could be devoted to a dog of this intelligence and activity level, but I don’t. I still need to talk to the girls though. Colette is all of our dog. I can’t make this decision alone. It’s heart-breaking, but I don’t know what else to do.

* * *

Fabric is in production at Spoonflower. WOOO. We have 13 days left to get us to the Green Place. Please spread the word!