compulsive

*ticktickticktickticktick*

Cannot seem to catch up on my sleep deficit. This sucks.

Did one small thing. Sent brochure to gallery I'm interested in. Turns out I did not miss artistswanted.org deadline. Doing that today.

Another query sent out. Now to fight with my submission for ArtistsWanted.com

Nope. I did miss the deadline. Fuck.

Finished the most recent painting, Riders Before the Storm. Oof. Don't know why I was so blocked, but I'm done and I love it.

Photo tomorrow. Too tired to fight with upload tonight. Yay, finished painting!

OMG, watching @scalzi perform Journey is made of total fucking awesome. I needed that.

*tocktocktocktocktocktocktock*

self-care

or: that thing I totally suck at doing

I don't take care of myself. I flat out suck at it. I'm not proud of it. I know now how bad I am at it. I can't always seem to stop.

I need to stop.

I need to take care of myself.

I've had a low grade headache for over a week now. I'm seeing the doctor today. This is out of the norm, even for me. It's not one of the hormone fueled ones. I don't know what's causing the pain. After I see Dr. Schneider, I'm going to schedule a session at Dr. Berlin's. See if it's chiro related (a very high possibility) and if nothing else, ask to get a session with their acupuncturist.

I learned long ago that pain was no reason for stopping. It took me longer to learn that pain didn't need to continue.

Minimal spoons today. Please hold me in the Light.

looks like LJ fixed the time

And here we are on the right day finally.

New meds in combination with other things finally killed the migraine.

I finished the painting last night and it's apparently broken open a lot of stuff. I'm processing a lot of anger and frustration, but that's really nothing new. Painting is an emotional process for me, whether I like it or not. The urge to go all Willem Defoe from To Live and Die in LA, drag everything I've created into the street and set it on fire comes over me from time to time.

I know not to act on this impulse.

But it doesn't change the desire.

But I'm not the judge.

I just have to keep doing the work. Putting one foot in front of the other. I'm in the midst of another plateau and I've done this enough times now to know what it feels like. I just have to do the work. Nothing else matters.

Just some days I'm more aware than others just how fucking hamstrung I am.

Riders Before the Storm

Riders Before the Storm, originally uploaded by quennessa.

And here it is, the finished painting. I'm really quite happy with it.

Next project is to start the test for Dark Lightning. I finally found a lightning reference photo that I think will work, though I don't know what the other element will be.

Oh well. Lightning first. Secondary element, well, second.