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And a lot of briefing/bringing y’all up to speed, because boy howdy, a LOT has been going on. In fact, I don’t even know where to start, so I’ll just start in the middle and work my way out.

First off, the campaign for the fourth card, the Imperatrix, is now live! You can find it here:

We’re already at 42% funding, which blows my mind and humbles me.

So, the Major Arcana continue to drive ahead, shredding the track. The Magician is days away from shooting. Here, have a peek at some stuff:

Sepulveda Dam Location 2 -1080Magician's Laurels -5Magician's Laurels - 4Magician's Laurels - 1Magician's Bone WandMagician's sword HangerMagician's Wheel

The High Priestess has already acreted a fair amount of fabric and props. I’m hoping that once I get the Magician in the can, the High Priestess will (prop and costume wise) come together quickly.

Because we hit a bit of a snag. The location that I chose initially for the High Priestess in NoCal…won’t work. It’s surrounded by a fence and a jog to get out to it. Unlike the Magician or the Fool, there’s an actual set piece that needs to travel to the site. The same is true of the next two cards, the Imperatrix and the Imperator.

So. I’ve had to rethink a few things. In a perfect world, I’d be able to get cast, crew, and set out to the locations that I want with no problems. Except I’m not Annie Liebowitz, Mark Milller, or Ridley Scott and with the attendant budgets that go with them.


So my current plan is thus: me and my camera have already begun to go out to the locations on my list and started shooting ALL of the master plates NOW that I will need at the exact time of day and place that I want. It only costs gas and me. And the occasional scramble over obstacles. And falling on my ass.

But I digress.

tl;dr: I’m accelerating the shooting of the master plates/backgrounds and discovered some good news in the process. As of today, I’ve shot the Echo Park Secret Swing, the old abandoned Los Angeles Zoo–seriously cool!–two different art deco underpasses, one in Pasadena and one over the LA River. Next, I’ll be heading out to Murphy’s Ranch, aka Hitler’s Bunker.

No. That’s not a mistype.

Then I need to rebalance the next locations I want, because every one after those is further out. Most likely, the Edwards AFB Boneyard will be next, then the Victoria/Laguna Beach tower, and the ship wreck trail.

In between all of these shooting loops, I will build all the sets that I need, until Cristi and others are available, which won’t be till October at the earliest. Then I rent a green screen studio, put model and set in front of a green screen and go to town. In fact, if I play my cards right, I’ll be able to shoot all damn day, rotating models and sets. For the NoCal models, I can have them all meet me in one location. Ditto, the SoCal models.

There’s actually a lot of upside to this. My producer-husband happens to do exactly this sort of work (it literally pays our rent) and knows how to talk to green screen lighting grips. I’ll have total control of the entire environment. It’ll also bring up the comfort level for the models. Instead of sweating their ass off in the desert, they will be in a climate controlled location with showers and bathrooms and kitchens. And down here in La La Land, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting three green screen studios. Competition is fierce and the cost is really low, compared to dragging everyone and everything out to a location.

As long as I match light and color temp… Well, I think I might dare you to spot the difference.

I have the time. I just have to build and shoot as much as I freaking can. And like most things in my life, this may be a felix culpa. I seem to always land on my feet in a better situation when things go south like this.

Ooo! Also, once again, my primary model for the Imperatrix said YES! WOO! Two for two!

* * *

In the meantime, my jaw started aching like you would not believe last night, y’know, night before launch. I couldn’t tell if it was my teeth that were hurting and it was referring or if it were the ear and Eustachian tube that was giving me shit. It was the ear. It’s much better as of this evening, but gods, it fucking sucks. I got sick near the end for the High Priestess too.

Hello, Resistance.

Oh, and there is nothing worse than feeling an ear drain. GAH. It’s not painful. It just feels fucking gross.

And that’s it for the fish report with a beat! *random Roger Waters reference* I apologize for the novel, but I wanted to let everyone know what I’ve been up to while being relatively quiet here and elsewhere. I’ve been building and sewing and driving and shooting and… I’m a wee bit tired.

But I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long long time. It feels good.


Aug. 15th, 2016 09:34 am
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Apparently I was just unconsciously shooting book covers for an epic fantasy series…

I’m not complaining!

There’s nothing about this one that I don’t love. NOM.

* * *

I woke up okay, but the anxiety is trying to amp up to panic, so I’m breathing and doing the exercises first, before I go and take my Klonopin.

School starts tomorrow. As a result, I am taking the Bean out to get new shoes. Shockingly, the shoes the Mouse currently has are fine and she loves them. One less thing.

* * *

Trying to figure out how much I can do in a day is really frustrating me. I just have no sense of what my endurance or recovery time is. I know I need to exercise more, but everything is a choice. I can exercise and not work on the Apocalyptica. I can exercise or not take care of my girls the way that they need. I can’t give up on my health, because it is directly related to my sanity.

So. I’ve got to figure that out. Which is okay. Everything is solvable.

In the meantime, I need to get the rest of the Sutro photos processed so I can to strip the establishing shots I took over the weekend into the computer, so I can get them prepped. And everything is taking five times longer than I want it to and then I stop…

I breathe…

And remember…

It takes as long as it takes.

And who knows? Hiking out to all these locations should get me in good shape. Climbing too. I’ll just let my body do what it needs to do. A breathing body is a perfect body.

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Untitled II

Screwing around with effects here.

* * *

Party was a swimming success as far as I can tell. The Mouse loved it and had a ton of fun with her friends. There was much grilling and drinks even if the weather was 102′. We stayed in the shade, unlike the younger set, with the outdoor fan and correct application of chilled beverages kept it pleasant. I also got to smoke two cigars with friends, which I haven’t done in far too long.

I had planned on taking the girls to get shoes for school, but again, I have forgotten how I do not have the resilience I once had. I just managed to make a simple dinner, and that was work for me. As a result, today is a rest day. Bless the Ant. The only reason my garden isn’t dead is she went out and got everything watered in defense against the heat.

If I had any complaint about today, it would be the fact that I’m exhausted and moving slow. My creative brain has a ton of new stuff in it from conversations had with friends yesterday and I itch to work. But. Not enough spoons.

So I’m making notes and breathing. If it’s meant to get made, it’ll be there tomorrow.

Hope your weekend was equally wonderful.

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Watcher at the Wall

This one is going to be an eventual bookmark/business card. Exquisite, isn’t she?

* * *

So I am the parent of a 12-year-old, officially and everything. Lordy. It does not remotely feel like twelve years and change have gone by. I mean, clearly they have, but damn. It seemed so slow at the beginning and now, the time flies.

I’m also back on school year hours which starts my day at 0630. Honestly, it feels good to be back on the morning shift. While it is true that I am a night owl, the mornings are the only time I get to myself and have any semblance of silence. The rest of the time, it’s just wall to wall noise.

My Hello Kitty metal water bottle achieved lack of containment, which is a tiny loss, but I really liked it. I didn’t know they could fail like that. Live and learn.

Yesterday was a rest day. I realized I hadn’t taken one in over a week and have been going non-stop again, so, I made rest happen.

In other news, completed the chaotic giant rock task that’s been dominating my week this morning, and on my way back from Arcadia (don’t ask), I was able to detour to the Colorado Street Bridge and get some establishing shot plates for the Apocalyptica. Also realized I was wearing the wrong damn shoes for hiking (flip flops). So, going to make a point of kitting out Moneypenny with a basic hike pack to live in the car, since this is basically the way I’m doing things. Go to place A, detour to shoot location on way back, lather, rinse, repeat.

Oh, and I really have to go dumpster diving sooner than later. I need to build a stage, a throne, and a royalish divan type object, so that means taking people’s left on the street furniture, and stripping them to their frames. Reupholstering really isn’t that hard and again, see the backlog of fabric in the Garage of Doom. And pallets can be had for nothing if I cruise the neighborhood. Lot of construction going on right now.

And that’s me. How are you?

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Stand Defiant

No, we didn’t get arrested for having weapons. I have no idea how I managed it either, so don’t ask. LOL

* * *



The Birthday Girl has asked for a session at the Salon of Mom and materials will be arriving soon for Cake of Awesomeness (delivery is my life saver).

*gets momentarily serious and maudlin*

I cannot remotely describe my eldest daughter adequately. She’s growing to be easily taller than me at this rate. She has a dancer’s grace and the steel strength that goes with it. She’s silly and sings ridiculous songs when I’m having a bad day. She’s maddening as hell and argues with me over any injustice in her mind, no matter how slight. She’s smart, goes without saying, but, the thing that I’m proudest of?

She’s kind.

Not all the time. She is a child still. But she tries. And she stands up for her friends and for herself and is not afraid to speak out against the things that she feels are wrong.

I don’t know how we got so lucky. She’s amazing. I helped make her. But the making of her now is starting to be more of her own choosing, and she is choosing far more wisely than I ever did. I mean it’s not all great. She appears to have inherited my predilection to anxiety and has an unusual variant of ADHD, but she’s learning how to turn them into strengths, not weaknesses.

And this year, the Perseid meteor shower that heralds her birth every year appears to be even more spectacular than usual. I blame her grandfather for that one. He likes to show off.

I have no idea what she will become. I just know it will be glorious. Even if that means becoming a beach bum. Because if she chooses that, she will be the greatest beach bum the world has ever seen. Or not. Doesn’t matter. Whatever she chooses, she appears to be choosing to be uniquely herself.

It’s fucking awesome.

Mouse & Cat 2Fool III

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On the Parapet

I am so lucky in my friends and models. Such beautiful ladies, as Baron Munchausen would say…

* * *

The day today was an exercise in controlling the urge to scream. Mostly in frustration. As a result, my garden has been seriously weeded.

Actually, that’s a pretty awesome and positive outcome and a correct application of that feeling. Huh. Go me. Amazing what meds and therapy will do for you.

Oh, and my arms are tired. Some of the weeds required serious digging out. *shakes fist at whatever that thing is with the giant tap root that isn’t a dandelion)

Hero II

Aug. 7th, 2016 11:16 am
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Hero II

And here comes the rest of the Sutro Bath shoot. When I finish this, I will be officially caught up and can devote myself entirely to the Apocalyptica. Because I am insane. Yes.

* * *

I’m completely stalled on some things and I’m really upset.

However, I’ve been working the problem and the solution may end up being way better than the initial plan. It’s an intelligent choice with what I have available to me. With what I have available to me, including money…

I work with what I’ve got and do my best. I’ve got my work cut out for me and things I need to study. In the meantime, I’ll make it work as best I can.

Don’t get me wrong. I fucking hate this, but it is what it is. I’m not Annie Liebowitz.


Someday I’ll get to shoot where I want to shoot with all the things that I want to shoot with. If a guy in a silly dragon suit can land behind Daenerys Stormborn to stand in for Drogon and the after work is epic? I can do the same, even if it’s the low rent version. I have the time.


I’ll make it work as best we can.

And in other news, I need to do laundry today and crunch some logistics.

Did I mention I fucking hate this? Okay, I fucking hate this. I feel how I feel. I’m allowed to feel what and how I feel. Now back to work.

*cracks knuckles*

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Spiral Dance

And I do mean it this time.

This is, hands down, the best one of the series. I finally got reasonable control of the compositing and also stepped up my box of skills with applying effects to a singular layer. On top of that, if there’s one thing I can do, it’s retouch something to make it look like a light source is coming from someplace else.

* * *

Yesterday started with a zero to wide the fuck awake in twenty seconds with an issue that’s going to take days to resolve, but, BUT, it can be resolved, it’s just a time issue.


I am not impatient, why do you ask?

I also ended up walking to the CVS, which wasn’t that far away and ticked off my exercise today, my Japanese parasol over me to keep the evil day star from cooking my head. I looked very stylish if I say so myself. But it was definitely on the warm side and I really wished that not all of my shorts were in the laundry. *gasp*

Oh, and my mother (biological, the one who abused me) called and I’m seriously avoiding calling her back, because, fuck’s sake, I’ve got too much to do. But I’ll probably do it today. Get the toad swallowing out of the fucking way.

But the bright spot is that I cleaned more of my garden yesterday, I’m going to do more today, and Blue Apron sent me a packet of seeds in this past week’s box! Seeds! Yay! So Imma gonna plant ’em and put them on the window sill. Pea shoots, here we come. NOM.

* * *

As for today, I’m in the grips of the anxiety demon, though so far, it hasn’t gotten the advantage of me for the throw and the pin. I uploaded photos to Flicker this morning and the slog through the backlog continues. I’ve become far more selective of what I am choosing for series in general and what I’m not. Practice. It catches up with you.

The Bean was super mopey this morning and that didn’t help my brain either. Made pancakes in self-defense, which seemed to perk her up.

The Mouse has a birthday party to go too. I have no idea what that’s going to entail.

Oh, and I started cleaning the kitchen. No wonder I’m already tired, and amping up on the anxiety. So I will breathe, and stay centered, and stay present. Take my time. And if anyone doesn’t like it, they can suck my dick. Honey badger don’t fucking care.

And that’s it so far. Hope your Saturday is less full than mine.

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Pole Star

There’s a nipple. If you squint.

* * *

Oh my dear gods, my arms are so tired. Carving the tip down to a point on the bone wand continues and I’m sight of the finish on it. I’ve also been gardening a bit after being outside working, so the yard is slowly tidying up.

Woke up okay, but eventually had to take my Klonopin when the anxiety demon started to chew on my head.

I also realized that we haven’t gone to the beach even once this summer and that made me feel sad.

Other than that, life is good. The work continues, as Sweeny would say. We drive on.


Jul. 19th, 2016 10:25 am
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Mind is just not coming up with titles, though again, this just screams science fiction book cover.


* * *

Immediately got sucked into working this morning. A good sign, but glurg. I look up and two hours have flown by and I have had nothing but coffee.


I feel good this morning. Really good. I appear to be balanced and stable with the new med combination and I am so fucking grateful. I can think again. The panic makes it impossible to think or problem solve. This has given me my mind back. Let’s hope this sticks for a while.

* * *

Holy crap, my butt hurts. My trainer and I really kicked it. Lots of slow yin yoga today. Ow.

* * *

Showed the Mouse where the basil was in the garden, how to identify it and what its characteristics are. I am my father’s daughter. Instead of physic lectures, i give herbalism lectures. I hope I am not as repetitive though. Though who knows? It amuses me to think that in the far future, she’ll give the same lecture to some other small one and keep the knowledge going.

But now my hands smell like fresh crushed basil and it makes me so happy.

I have hard things to do today, but I don’t feel like toad swallowing first thing. So it’s Muscle Milk for me and work on the Magician and High Priestess next, which sounds absolutely lovely. It’s coming along.

* * *

And for the record, I am aware of the state of things in the world. I can’t help or avoid that. I am an analytical type by nature and subscribed to too many feeds that cover politics, intelligence, and various other hard subjects. And I know only one thing. What you focus on persists. What you *resist* persists. Not to say that there isn’t a time to fight, because fuck yeah, sometimes you have to fight. But if you, yourself, are not directly harmed?

I’m starting to think that you have a moral duty to do an act of kindness or create some beauty or make where you stand somehow better in the face of these things going on in the world right now. A freaking geas, if you will. It’s not being Pollyanna. I keep saying it.

It’s defiance.

* * *

Don’t forget that Strange Weather is free over at Amazon for the rest of the week! Whee!

* * *

T-minus 8 days and counting!

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Finally figured out what to call it.

* * *

My father’s birthday is today. I was doing okay earlier in the day, but as the evening has come on, so has the panic and some of that is related to mortality, missing my father, and having inadequate anxiety meds.

There is good news though.

Strange Weather is once more available on Amazon and it’s the 10th anniversary of that particular book. Still can’t believe that I finished the final edit on it ten years ago. I’m afraid I tweaked it a bit and will probably continue to tweak it. Because I can and because the anxiety needs something to be distracted by. Also, The Mad Scientist’s Beautiful Daughter should be live by tomorrow. I’m hoping to tweak it as well. In the meantime, have a link:

Oh, and the book is free starting tomorrow for the whole week. So. There’s that too.

* * *

I was mostly off line for a couple of days because I lost my wifi dongle antenna. The husband rescued Behemoth and I by running Ethernet cable for me, for which I am ridiculously grateful. I love him more than I can ever say.

But that was the lead up to, it’s ten days and counting on the High Priestess! Check it out!

Fool & Dog

Jun. 28th, 2016 07:56 am
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Fool and Dog

And Colette returns to her usual Derpness. Pack Derp, represent!

The feminine curve of the shadow down the spillway, mirrored in the black paint at top is what does it for me on this one. It’s the mirage of water that should be there, but isn’t, because of the drought here in Cali.

It’s the promise of Green. Some day. Some where.

* * *

Getting shit done and knocking stuff down. It’s a wonderful feeling. As I often say, better living through chemistry. Slept well and dreamlessly, though a nice dream would have been lovely. I miss the dreaming when it’s absent.

The High Priestess has found its optimal gear, apparently, and I finished the carving lines on the Magician’s wand last night. We ride on, shiny and chrome.

Fool III

Jun. 27th, 2016 11:05 am
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Fool III

This is a super cropped version of what was Version I of the Fool card and what I discarded. It was just too posed and too static for what I wanted. The Fool is in motion from the moment you see her, even if it is small motion. This read too much as waiting.

* * *

Okay, it is already too warm outside, so it’s elliptical and weights today. And I’m bringing in a fan to point straight at me, because oh gods, too warm, but no skipping the workout. Sanity at stake.

I started drawing the carving lines on the bone for what will eventually be the Magician’s bone wand. We’ll see how that goes. The snake head belt arrived this morning as well and looks even better than I had hoped. It’s a vintage piece, which is one of the things I am trying to go for, the look and feel and weight of age. Either way, it is freaking perfect. I need to make sure i start putting together a prop inventory and documenting who made what and where things came from.

Life is good.

And if that wasn’t enough, the High Priestess launched not even an hour ago and we’re already at 19%. o.O Yeah. Clearly hitting a nerve. No pressure. LOL

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Fool's Progress

I just like the quiet contemplation of this one. It was my other choice for promo image.

* * *

Actually slept…ten hours? Or something like. Got up a couple of times to go to the bathroom, but still slept like the dead when I was sleeping. So clearly the bad neurochem yeserday was at work. I have some mild anxiety running this morning, but I’m working at breathing and staying present before I resort to the Klonopin.

Today is warming up hot. 91′ it projects, but it’s 83’ by 10:30, I’m going to call that bullshit and set out to water a couple of times today, or my pots are not going to survive. HIgh surf advisory too. Everything is fucked. Humidity is already at 54%. Where the fuck is the monsoon? UV Index is through the roof too. Fuck’s sake.

I am tired and sad though still, mentally. Reading Warren Ellis’ weekly newsletter and gods, the fury and grief rolling off his words. I don’t have half his skill, but whatever. He’s been doing it longer. Things are ugly in the European Union, and uglier in England.

Where is my Lionheart now?


Jun. 25th, 2016 08:24 am
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At one point as I was sending Mouse up the spillway, there was this point. Colette flat out refused to go further up. Never in my life have I seen a dog nope the fuck out of a situation like this. Cracked me up.

It doesn’t work for the Fool card though. The Fool never pays attention to the Dog. Though I do love the look Mouse gives Colette, like “What? Now you’re a chicken?”

Pack Derp, represent!

* * *

Had anxiety dreams before waking, but no pounding rabbit heart panic attack. Huge improvement. But have still taken my meds and I should feel more settled in half an hour.

The rest of the house still sleeps except for the animals. I am grateful for the quiet.

It’s expected to only get up to 88′ today, which means I will spend a fair amount of time in the garden today, if body and brain are amenable. This morning is cool and delicious, just 67′ and a light breeze. Summer morning and the sun doesn’t feel like a brand. They say mostly cloudy, but I’m not seeing them this morning. I’m assuming if any, they’ll roll in later.


Jun. 14th, 2016 11:19 am
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I wish that this wasn’t appropriate this week. It was just in the queue for today. But that’s how my art works. It knows more about the World than I do. I just channel it.

We light a candle against the darkness. We refuse to let the Silence cut short our Chant. We sing with our last breath. We sing. And we burn.

* * *

In other news, I am tearing the day up, productivity wise. Waiting on the fucking weather. *vibrate* But. Soon. SOON.

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Fire Priestess II

Some of these images may get some after effects work done on them later, but since I did not set out to do post work with this series, I’m trying to not get distracted and just get the work done.

Oh, and I really love this one.

* * *

I am feeling really good this morning if really tired. Calm is a fucking super power.

Tonys last night… Gods. To be alive when Lin Manuel Miranda is and to realize he’s the bastard love child of Shakespeare and Sam Seaborne. To know that he busted that sonnet out before the fucking show after the tragedy in Orlando…

Fuck it. I am not a writer.

And we got not one, but three times the cast of Hamilton singing and I cannot even.

Hell, I’ll start tearing up again.

And the season? My gods! So many plays and musicals that were just earth-shatteringly good. Spring Awakening as a deaf and hearing portrayed musical? Marlee Matlin and Kenny coming out to present it? I know it’s not his name, but he’s been with her since forever and I can’t imagine anyone else being her voice.

And the woman who played Ceeli in the Color Purple? Are you shitting me? A voice made to tear the roof off of Heaven. Yes. I am beautiful and I am here.

The Gods of Theatre smiled last night. They smiled so wide.

Look around, look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now. You said it, Lin. Thank you. It’s not all tragic and horrors. In this darkest hour, there are still those of us lifting our voices in song and singing brighter than the stars in the sky.

I will tell your story. It’s not the first time I’ve been exhorted to do so. It’s in Everville where Grillo leaves one last request for Tesla after she’s been resurrected and possessed by the Art:

Yes, Tesla thought. I will tell your story. I will tell it with every beat of my heart, every blink of my eye, every breath that I take.

I’m paraphrasing. But it’s lived with me forever. And now Lin exhorts us all again.

Who lives? Who dies? Who tells your story?

I will. I will, I will, I will.


Jun. 12th, 2016 10:37 am
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And all is dust in the end…

Scotty had the coolest skulls laying around. He makes them, along with all the other cool toys that were laying around. Hugely inspirational guy to know.

* * *

Had a bunch of birthdays go by this past twelve days, all wonderful people that I adore, so that was lovely to celebrate, even if I am miles away from them.

I’ve been reading TS Elliot as well, specifically the Wasteland, and I find my heart hurts at the sheer rawness of his writing. I don’t know how he got away with this stuff in his time. I’m glad he did though.

Oh, and in random research news, turns out First History Man is a fictional book in the Mad Max universe. It’s based on the History Men based at the Citadel. Civilization does rebuild after all, and it starts at the Citadel and because of Furiosa. Magician indeed. So, I’ve got a ton to think on, and it’s super engaging and exciting. I had forgotten what it felt like.

Oh, and I voted on Super Tuesday and that went well. Not happy about Hills getting the nod, but whatever. I’ll vote for her. I’m not voting for the idiot.

In Apocalyptica news, I continue to put final touches on costuming and watching the damn weather like a hawk. It’s all June gloom, though I am assured that a high pressure system is coming in next week. Everyone cross your fingers that that is the case and I can get the Fool in the can. Once that’s done, I’ll start putting together the campaign for the next card, The High Priestess, and moving forward on the Magician shoot, which is coming together nicely.

Oh, and I got the challenge coins sorted last night. Woo! Productivity!

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Greetings, War Party!

As of this writing, we are t-minus 11 hours and counting till the end of the campaign for the Magician! WOO! Aah! It is too exciting.

Right now (as you can see in the handy dandy graphic linkie beast) I have raised $230 of my $500 goal. That’s a whopping 46%!! I say again, WOOO.

I just returned from Joann Fabrics with the second round of materials for the Magician. DUDE. I found the perfect faux red leather for the boot covers and straps. IT IS EPIC LOOKING. The challenge coins are arriving from the mint to the warehouse on Monday. Things are cooking along. BUT, but I’m not quite there yet. If I don’t raise the other 54% in the next 11 hours, the Apocalyptica will be delayed for weeks, if not months. I don’t think that’s something any of us want. I know I really really don’t want. Do Not Want, as the kids say today.

You still have time to make a pledge if you want to get involved. Even a share today on any and all social media makes a huge difference to how well this campaign ends. For reals.

In the meantime, you are all the best war party evar. EVAR. I mean that. Without you, I wouldn’t have even started the engines. THUNDER UP. Let’s get the buzzards off this rig!


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