And here, the birth story of my newest, darling girl.
It's still not the birth story that you're looking for.
NB: I'm sure there will be bits that are TMI for some of you. Hence the cut. But for the rest of you, here is how my girl chose to come into the world, as quiet as her sister's was dramatic.
Oh. And Clive is still right. Blood. Shit. Pain and viscera. But they are the borders and boundaries of a great beauty at times. Between one breath and the next, it is how the Art found me. It found me through my body and the bodies of my babies.
I still don't know how to start. Back to basics again.
And here, the birth story of my newest, darling girl.
Here we go.
Light it up, folks, whatever it is that you light up. Will twitter as I can. http://www.twitter.com/quennessa
Don't have anything pithy or witty or interesting to say right now. I haven't been able to eat today. Even water isn't sitting well.
Yeah. Like I said.
Here we go.
I've managed to do a few things around the house while waiting. The Mouse's room has been cleaned and things have been put away or gotten rid of. Front room's been gone through and cleaned and organized to a point. The master is today. I move slow, but I am inexorable.
Yes, I am nesting. It's nest or go looney.
Gods, can I have this baby already?
The usual ctx bullshit is starting up, now that I'm awake, but I'm just grateful for the rest.
Tonight we're going to work on getting a small second night seder together for Passover.
I've got to figure out something to do today, so I don't think about ctx and whether I'm progressing or not.
Oh, and please, no one ask me when I'm due anymore. I'm about ready to scream. If I had any clue when Team Bean were going to finally bother to get their shit together, rather than just keep testing the system for fun and profit, I'd be a lot happier and sane. It's okay to ask me how far along I am. Just don't ask me when I'm due.
Oh, and don't ask me if I'm in pain. Cause, that's a big yes.
So. Yeah. Gardening. Off to the nail salon. Something. I gotta find something to do. Any suggestions will be considered.
I am made of major, major cranky.
I hurt. I haven't slept fully in three nights. I'm tired.
My cervix and uterus are apparently not team players. Bah.
Oh well. It is what it is. I'm going to go for a walk. I've got chiro today at 5 pm. After that, we're going to go see Fast & Furious and hopefully that'll distract me enough.
I also have sewing and writing I can do. Maybe paint. I'm trying to stay occupied, so I avoid the frustration of last time. So far I'm having middling success.
Could use some energy, prayers and good vibes.
We did a dry run to the hospital, because by 2 AM, I was exhibiting what my OB told me to look for. When I called her, she told me to go in.
Of course, we get there, and everything decides to start quieting down. So we came home.
I am convinced that the Bean was bored, kicked the system into gear, because she wanted to go for a drive in LA with no cars.
This is probably a sign of her life to come. LOL
I'm tired and I'm a bit sore. I don't know what's going on. I'm basically on maternity leave now, but, this morning has been very quiet. I mean to sew and not think about the process. Thinking leads to worrying leads to madness. I have to trust and allow that the body is doing it's thing and frankly, I'm along for the ride. I'm too damn tired to go into work, and frankly I know in my bones if I try to step up to that level, everything will just go haywire, I'll end up trying to drive to the hospital or being taken in an ambulance and y'know?
I need to fucking chill.
It's a lot harder than it sounds. I'm giving myself up to an elemental force, like weather. You can guess all you want, but until it rains or suns, you don't know what you're going to get. You just wait for it. Allow it to rain or cook your head.
So here I am. I'm going to rest until the Mouse gets home and then see what the Ant and the Margie Mom want to do this afternoon.
And see if I can find my damn state paperwork. That's something I can do...
Yesterday, I lost part of my mucus plug, with some blood. You can go look up what that means, if you need the gory details, but I prefer to not impede your last meal. I'll wait.
Okay. If you bothered to do in depth reading, this is *not* a reliable indicator of impending labor, *but* it is a sign that, well, your time, it be limited. As in, labor could start any day, between now and the next two weeks.
I said it wasn't a reliable indicator.
And I've been having massive Braxton-Hicks contractions since the plug decided to let go. Noticeable to the point of, "excuse me, what are you doing?", but no pain per se. Imagine a giant hand grabbing your abdomen and *squeezing*. For two minutes. Without letting go. Even once. They get stronger if I walk anywhere. And my body is starting to do a purge cycle. I won't go into further detail than that.
Lather, rinse, repeat for a while.
We finished packing the hospital go bags last night. One for me, one for the Bean.
Who knows what any of this means. Could be nothing. Or you might want to start following my twitter for updates, because I mean to twitter from the hospital. :) I'm quennessa over there too.
In the meantime, I'm ignoring all of this to the best of my ability, but the humor factor is hysterical. My dayjob was shocked to see me today. We haven't even had the baby shower yet. We have no newborn clothes, except for some diapers. The Bean won't be completely naked. But the co-sleep bed isn't back and yeah, we're just not ready. At all.
Cause y'know, I'm supposed to have three more weeks before going on maternity leave.
I don't think I'm going to make it either. LOL
So, think good baby thoughts for me, and please, I could really use prayers that the Bean WAIT till *after* the baby shower this Saturday, so, y'know, she won't be naked.
After that? All bets are off.
My evening was hijacked last night which has left me minorly cranky. Half of it was hijacked by what I wanted it to be hijacked by. The other half was hijacked by an overstay and way too many loud children. If they'd been having fun the entire time, it would have been one thing, but there were moments of sturm and drang that made my skin twitch. I had to retreat to the bedroom before bed for a few minutes of complete alone time to come down from the beginning cranky.
While I had those few minutes of peace, I did manage to purge more of the files that I've had for the last seven years. On the one hand, very freeing. On the other, fuck, I really am upset that I've held on to all of this crap for so long. Sub-optimal in the extreme.
And that was all that I managed to accomplish. The rest of my plans took a header.
Bean Update: OB appt. yesterday was unequivocably fabulous though. Weight gain is still low compared to last time and Bean is doing awesome. Great heartbeat and she did some calisthenics for Dr. Schneider, which was awesome. Still staying head down and anterior, rather than the posterior dance her sister did which caused me so many problems. Gestation this time around has been much easier. We're a little over seven weeks out from my due date. I can't wait.
Probably going to see Watchmen this weekend, but first, there is the housewarming tomorrow at 3 PM. If you did not get a copy of the evite, consider yourself invited anyway. If you need directions, give me a ping at angela.n.hunt at gmail dot com. We would LOVE to see you.
We have a baby registry on Amazon now. I'm not due till the end of April/beginning of May, so this is early, but I guess some people are wanting to buy during the sales.
You can find it by putting my name in at the Baby Registry finder: Angela Hunt
* * *
And then there's the Mouse. Several of you seem quite fond of her and wanted to know what she wants for assorted holidays/birthdays. She also has a wish list at Amazon and it's here:
Feel free to pass on the info to whoever needs it.
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I personally want very few things this year and one thing stands above all the others: a magical and wonderful Solstice and Christmas for the Mouse.
That's really it. Without getting too Gift of the Magi about it, it's what's important. You only get childhood once and you only believe in this sort of Magick for a short, short time. The longer my friends, my family and I can make that Real for her?
Well. That's all I can hope for.
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And if I win the lottery, I'm buying a tricked out computer and the highest end pro Canon digital camera they make. With all the ludicrous accessories. :)
I should write a letter to Santa. :)