Hero II

Aug. 7th, 2016 11:16 am
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Originally published at Curse & Quanta. You can comment here or there.

Hero II

And here comes the rest of the Sutro Bath shoot. When I finish this, I will be officially caught up and can devote myself entirely to the Apocalyptica. Because I am insane. Yes.

* * *

I’m completely stalled on some things and I’m really upset.

However, I’ve been working the problem and the solution may end up being way better than the initial plan. It’s an intelligent choice with what I have available to me. With what I have available to me, including money…

I work with what I’ve got and do my best. I’ve got my work cut out for me and things I need to study. In the meantime, I’ll make it work as best I can.

Don’t get me wrong. I fucking hate this, but it is what it is. I’m not Annie Liebowitz.

YET.

Someday I’ll get to shoot where I want to shoot with all the things that I want to shoot with. If a guy in a silly dragon suit can land behind Daenerys Stormborn to stand in for Drogon and the after work is epic? I can do the same, even if it’s the low rent version. I have the time.

So.

I’ll make it work as best we can.

And in other news, I need to do laundry today and crunch some logistics.

Did I mention I fucking hate this? Okay, I fucking hate this. I feel how I feel. I’m allowed to feel what and how I feel. Now back to work.

*cracks knuckles*

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Originally published at Curse & Quanta. You can comment here or there.

Spiral Dance

And I do mean it this time.

This is, hands down, the best one of the series. I finally got reasonable control of the compositing and also stepped up my box of skills with applying effects to a singular layer. On top of that, if there’s one thing I can do, it’s retouch something to make it look like a light source is coming from someplace else.

* * *

Yesterday started with a zero to wide the fuck awake in twenty seconds with an issue that’s going to take days to resolve, but, BUT, it can be resolved, it’s just a time issue.

LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE.

I am not impatient, why do you ask?

I also ended up walking to the CVS, which wasn’t that far away and ticked off my exercise today, my Japanese parasol over me to keep the evil day star from cooking my head. I looked very stylish if I say so myself. But it was definitely on the warm side and I really wished that not all of my shorts were in the laundry. *gasp*

Oh, and my mother (biological, the one who abused me) called and I’m seriously avoiding calling her back, because, fuck’s sake, I’ve got too much to do. But I’ll probably do it today. Get the toad swallowing out of the fucking way.

But the bright spot is that I cleaned more of my garden yesterday, I’m going to do more today, and Blue Apron sent me a packet of seeds in this past week’s box! Seeds! Yay! So Imma gonna plant ’em and put them on the window sill. Pea shoots, here we come. NOM.

* * *

As for today, I’m in the grips of the anxiety demon, though so far, it hasn’t gotten the advantage of me for the throw and the pin. I uploaded photos to Flicker this morning and the slog through the backlog continues. I’ve become far more selective of what I am choosing for series in general and what I’m not. Practice. It catches up with you.

The Bean was super mopey this morning and that didn’t help my brain either. Made pancakes in self-defense, which seemed to perk her up.

The Mouse has a birthday party to go too. I have no idea what that’s going to entail.

Oh, and I started cleaning the kitchen. No wonder I’m already tired, and amping up on the anxiety. So I will breathe, and stay centered, and stay present. Take my time. And if anyone doesn’t like it, they can suck my dick. Honey badger don’t fucking care.

And that’s it so far. Hope your Saturday is less full than mine.

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Originally published at Curse & Quanta. You can comment here or there.

Pole Star

There’s a nipple. If you squint.

* * *

Oh my dear gods, my arms are so tired. Carving the tip down to a point on the bone wand continues and I’m sight of the finish on it. I’ve also been gardening a bit after being outside working, so the yard is slowly tidying up.

Woke up okay, but eventually had to take my Klonopin when the anxiety demon started to chew on my head.

I also realized that we haven’t gone to the beach even once this summer and that made me feel sad.

Other than that, life is good. The work continues, as Sweeny would say. We drive on.

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Originally published at Curse & Quanta. Please leave any comments there.

Galaxy Labyrinth

I really love how this one turned out. It’s post processed up the ass and I don’t care. It looks AWESOME. This one may have to get printed just for me and to hang in the house with my quickly diminishing wall space.

* * *

Starting the line edit on Dark Lightning. I’m making the book much better now with just tiny tweaks. Consider it a tune up.

Untitled

Jul. 19th, 2016 10:25 am
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Untitled

Mind is just not coming up with titles, though again, this just screams science fiction book cover.

NOM.

* * *

Immediately got sucked into working this morning. A good sign, but glurg. I look up and two hours have flown by and I have had nothing but coffee.

Oops.

I feel good this morning. Really good. I appear to be balanced and stable with the new med combination and I am so fucking grateful. I can think again. The panic makes it impossible to think or problem solve. This has given me my mind back. Let’s hope this sticks for a while.

* * *

Holy crap, my butt hurts. My trainer and I really kicked it. Lots of slow yin yoga today. Ow.

* * *

Showed the Mouse where the basil was in the garden, how to identify it and what its characteristics are. I am my father’s daughter. Instead of physic lectures, i give herbalism lectures. I hope I am not as repetitive though. Though who knows? It amuses me to think that in the far future, she’ll give the same lecture to some other small one and keep the knowledge going.

But now my hands smell like fresh crushed basil and it makes me so happy.

I have hard things to do today, but I don’t feel like toad swallowing first thing. So it’s Muscle Milk for me and work on the Magician and High Priestess next, which sounds absolutely lovely. It’s coming along.

* * *

And for the record, I am aware of the state of things in the world. I can’t help or avoid that. I am an analytical type by nature and subscribed to too many feeds that cover politics, intelligence, and various other hard subjects. And I know only one thing. What you focus on persists. What you *resist* persists. Not to say that there isn’t a time to fight, because fuck yeah, sometimes you have to fight. But if you, yourself, are not directly harmed?

I’m starting to think that you have a moral duty to do an act of kindness or create some beauty or make where you stand somehow better in the face of these things going on in the world right now. A freaking geas, if you will. It’s not being Pollyanna. I keep saying it.

It’s defiance.

* * *

Don’t forget that Strange Weather is free over at Amazon for the rest of the week! Whee!

* * *

T-minus 8 days and counting!

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Originally published at Curse & Quanta. You can comment here or there.

Orchid

Finally figured out what to call it.

* * *

My father’s birthday is today. I was doing okay earlier in the day, but as the evening has come on, so has the panic and some of that is related to mortality, missing my father, and having inadequate anxiety meds.

There is good news though.

Strange Weather is once more available on Amazon and it’s the 10th anniversary of that particular book. Still can’t believe that I finished the final edit on it ten years ago. I’m afraid I tweaked it a bit and will probably continue to tweak it. Because I can and because the anxiety needs something to be distracted by. Also, The Mad Scientist’s Beautiful Daughter should be live by tomorrow. I’m hoping to tweak it as well. In the meantime, have a link:

Oh, and the book is free starting tomorrow for the whole week. So. There’s that too.

* * *

I was mostly off line for a couple of days because I lost my wifi dongle antenna. The husband rescued Behemoth and I by running Ethernet cable for me, for which I am ridiculously grateful. I love him more than I can ever say.

But that was the lead up to, it’s ten days and counting on the High Priestess! Check it out!

Fool & Dog

Jun. 28th, 2016 07:56 am
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Fool and Dog

And Colette returns to her usual Derpness. Pack Derp, represent!

The feminine curve of the shadow down the spillway, mirrored in the black paint at top is what does it for me on this one. It’s the mirage of water that should be there, but isn’t, because of the drought here in Cali.

It’s the promise of Green. Some day. Some where.

* * *

Getting shit done and knocking stuff down. It’s a wonderful feeling. As I often say, better living through chemistry. Slept well and dreamlessly, though a nice dream would have been lovely. I miss the dreaming when it’s absent.

The High Priestess has found its optimal gear, apparently, and I finished the carving lines on the Magician’s wand last night. We ride on, shiny and chrome.

Fool III

Jun. 27th, 2016 11:05 am
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Fool III

This is a super cropped version of what was Version I of the Fool card and what I discarded. It was just too posed and too static for what I wanted. The Fool is in motion from the moment you see her, even if it is small motion. This read too much as waiting.

* * *

Okay, it is already too warm outside, so it’s elliptical and weights today. And I’m bringing in a fan to point straight at me, because oh gods, too warm, but no skipping the workout. Sanity at stake.

I started drawing the carving lines on the bone for what will eventually be the Magician’s bone wand. We’ll see how that goes. The snake head belt arrived this morning as well and looks even better than I had hoped. It’s a vintage piece, which is one of the things I am trying to go for, the look and feel and weight of age. Either way, it is freaking perfect. I need to make sure i start putting together a prop inventory and documenting who made what and where things came from.

Life is good.

And if that wasn’t enough, the High Priestess launched not even an hour ago and we’re already at 19%. o.O Yeah. Clearly hitting a nerve. No pressure. LOL

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Originally published at Curse & Quanta. Please leave any comments there.

Fool's Progress

I just like the quiet contemplation of this one. It was my other choice for promo image.

* * *

Actually slept…ten hours? Or something like. Got up a couple of times to go to the bathroom, but still slept like the dead when I was sleeping. So clearly the bad neurochem yeserday was at work. I have some mild anxiety running this morning, but I’m working at breathing and staying present before I resort to the Klonopin.

Today is warming up hot. 91′ it projects, but it’s 83’ by 10:30, I’m going to call that bullshit and set out to water a couple of times today, or my pots are not going to survive. HIgh surf advisory too. Everything is fucked. Humidity is already at 54%. Where the fuck is the monsoon? UV Index is through the roof too. Fuck’s sake.

I am tired and sad though still, mentally. Reading Warren Ellis’ weekly newsletter and gods, the fury and grief rolling off his words. I don’t have half his skill, but whatever. He’s been doing it longer. Things are ugly in the European Union, and uglier in England.

Where is my Lionheart now?

Nope

Jun. 25th, 2016 08:24 am
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Nope

At one point as I was sending Mouse up the spillway, there was this point. Colette flat out refused to go further up. Never in my life have I seen a dog nope the fuck out of a situation like this. Cracked me up.

It doesn’t work for the Fool card though. The Fool never pays attention to the Dog. Though I do love the look Mouse gives Colette, like “What? Now you’re a chicken?”

Pack Derp, represent!

* * *

Had anxiety dreams before waking, but no pounding rabbit heart panic attack. Huge improvement. But have still taken my meds and I should feel more settled in half an hour.

The rest of the house still sleeps except for the animals. I am grateful for the quiet.

It’s expected to only get up to 88′ today, which means I will spend a fair amount of time in the garden today, if body and brain are amenable. This morning is cool and delicious, just 67′ and a light breeze. Summer morning and the sun doesn’t feel like a brand. They say mostly cloudy, but I’m not seeing them this morning. I’m assuming if any, they’ll roll in later.

Memoria

Jun. 14th, 2016 11:19 am
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Memoria

I wish that this wasn’t appropriate this week. It was just in the queue for today. But that’s how my art works. It knows more about the World than I do. I just channel it.

We light a candle against the darkness. We refuse to let the Silence cut short our Chant. We sing with our last breath. We sing. And we burn.

* * *

In other news, I am tearing the day up, productivity wise. Waiting on the fucking weather. *vibrate* But. Soon. SOON.

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Originally published at Curse & Quanta. Please leave any comments there.

Fire Priestess II

Some of these images may get some after effects work done on them later, but since I did not set out to do post work with this series, I’m trying to not get distracted and just get the work done.

Oh, and I really love this one.

* * *

I am feeling really good this morning if really tired. Calm is a fucking super power.

Tonys last night… Gods. To be alive when Lin Manuel Miranda is and to realize he’s the bastard love child of Shakespeare and Sam Seaborne. To know that he busted that sonnet out before the fucking show after the tragedy in Orlando…

Fuck it. I am not a writer.

And we got not one, but three times the cast of Hamilton singing and I cannot even.

Hell, I’ll start tearing up again.

And the season? My gods! So many plays and musicals that were just earth-shatteringly good. Spring Awakening as a deaf and hearing portrayed musical? Marlee Matlin and Kenny coming out to present it? I know it’s not his name, but he’s been with her since forever and I can’t imagine anyone else being her voice.

And the woman who played Ceeli in the Color Purple? Are you shitting me? A voice made to tear the roof off of Heaven. Yes. I am beautiful and I am here.

The Gods of Theatre smiled last night. They smiled so wide.

Look around, look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now. You said it, Lin. Thank you. It’s not all tragic and horrors. In this darkest hour, there are still those of us lifting our voices in song and singing brighter than the stars in the sky.

I will tell your story. It’s not the first time I’ve been exhorted to do so. It’s in Everville where Grillo leaves one last request for Tesla after she’s been resurrected and possessed by the Art:

Yes, Tesla thought. I will tell your story. I will tell it with every beat of my heart, every blink of my eye, every breath that I take.

I’m paraphrasing. But it’s lived with me forever. And now Lin exhorts us all again.

Who lives? Who dies? Who tells your story?

I will. I will, I will, I will.

Mori

Jun. 12th, 2016 10:37 am
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Vanitas

And all is dust in the end…

Scotty had the coolest skulls laying around. He makes them, along with all the other cool toys that were laying around. Hugely inspirational guy to know.

* * *

Had a bunch of birthdays go by this past twelve days, all wonderful people that I adore, so that was lovely to celebrate, even if I am miles away from them.

I’ve been reading TS Elliot as well, specifically the Wasteland, and I find my heart hurts at the sheer rawness of his writing. I don’t know how he got away with this stuff in his time. I’m glad he did though.

Oh, and in random research news, turns out First History Man is a fictional book in the Mad Max universe. It’s based on the History Men based at the Citadel. Civilization does rebuild after all, and it starts at the Citadel and because of Furiosa. Magician indeed. So, I’ve got a ton to think on, and it’s super engaging and exciting. I had forgotten what it felt like.

Oh, and I voted on Super Tuesday and that went well. Not happy about Hills getting the nod, but whatever. I’ll vote for her. I’m not voting for the idiot.

In Apocalyptica news, I continue to put final touches on costuming and watching the damn weather like a hawk. It’s all June gloom, though I am assured that a high pressure system is coming in next week. Everyone cross your fingers that that is the case and I can get the Fool in the can. Once that’s done, I’ll start putting together the campaign for the next card, The High Priestess, and moving forward on the Magician shoot, which is coming together nicely.

Oh, and I got the challenge coins sorted last night. Woo! Productivity!

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Originally published at Curse & Quanta. You can comment here or there.

Greetings, War Party!

As of this writing, we are t-minus 11 hours and counting till the end of the campaign for the Magician! WOO! Aah! It is too exciting.

Right now (as you can see in the handy dandy graphic linkie beast) I have raised $230 of my $500 goal. That’s a whopping 46%!! I say again, WOOO.

I just returned from Joann Fabrics with the second round of materials for the Magician. DUDE. I found the perfect faux red leather for the boot covers and straps. IT IS EPIC LOOKING. The challenge coins are arriving from the mint to the warehouse on Monday. Things are cooking along. BUT, but I’m not quite there yet. If I don’t raise the other 54% in the next 11 hours, the Apocalyptica will be delayed for weeks, if not months. I don’t think that’s something any of us want. I know I really really don’t want. Do Not Want, as the kids say today.

You still have time to make a pledge if you want to get involved. Even a share today on any and all social media makes a huge difference to how well this campaign ends. For reals.

In the meantime, you are all the best war party evar. EVAR. I mean that. Without you, I wouldn’t have even started the engines. THUNDER UP. Let’s get the buzzards off this rig!

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Originally published at Curse & Quanta. Please leave any comments there.

Fire Priestess

And we return to the Beltane shoot. Yum.

* * *

Did 2.45 miles on the treadmill this morning and lifted weights. I’m feeling it this evening as I move around, but after my first dose of new anxiety med, I am so grateful that getting to the gym was not the usual, “Okay. Get the clothes on. Okay. Drive to the gym. Okay. Get out of the car. Okay, see, we’re here, just get on a treadmill for a little bit…” routine that is my way of talking Bad Brain into working out.

This morning? I just went and was happy to go. Wild, the contrast.

I’m still up four pounds. But. I was able to open my fitness tracker and log calories for the first time since January. Finding food today wasn’t a chore and didn’t taste like cardboard. I haven’t felt overwhelmed even once today.

Today has been the first unequivocally good day I’ve had in weeks. I could cry from both relief and gratitude.

* * *

In other news, it’s two days till the Magician closes! If you want a print, now’s your only chance! Not kidding! Check it out! Get the word out! WOO.

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Originally published at Curse & Quanta. Please leave any comments there.

Wasteland Waif

Another of the Badlands Savages. Ah, bella. Acrobat too.

* * *

Brain is poisonous. Ruminating on my very early childhood and pain and that’s no good. I don’t entirely know what to do with myself.

Gigs are very thin on the ground or I’m not looking in the right corner of the world. I am ridiculously good to employ, so it’s not that.

If I could do anything today, I would drive into the desert. Sometimes you need to dry out under the arid sky and let everything that hurts blow away in the bitter hot wind.

Ares

May. 30th, 2016 10:47 am
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Ares

I gave her my card. She’s leaning up against war rig #2 and even if I don’t use this one for the Magician, I am definitely hoping to use both of them in one of the other cards. She was nearly six feet tall. QUEEN.

* * *

Memorial Day.

I sat outside with Colette and yelled at her for going all predator on the squirrels and birds. Her prey drive is insane. Pain in the ass dog.

Line edit on Strange Weather continues. Man, I’ve clearly leveled up as a writer.

In other news, I am angry with the world, which points to the irritability/anger version of my clinical depression. Not so much being in the hole as wanting to set the hole on fire while I sit in it. I don’t recommend it. But saying it out loud seems to help. So. Another rest day. Tomorrow should be better. *knocks wood*

* * *

You know the drill. Tell everyone! 🙂

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Originally published at Curse & Quanta. Please leave any comments there.

Wasteland Knight

I was not able to catch up with this gentleman to give him my card. I haz a sad. But I did get a great shot of him.

* * *

Memorial Day weekend continues. I am not getting dressed today.

Today, I am going to rest, and do nothing, and only work on things I want to work on. Maybe do some laundry. Maybe.

Hope your day is just as wonderfully lazy.

* * *

T-minus six days and counting!

Frisk Me

May. 27th, 2016 07:10 am
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Frisk Me

That’s what she had written on her thighs, one word on each thigh.

I would have loved to…

* * *

Today is a rest day. Yesterday was spent running around and I am made of tired and tomorrow is Memorial Day BBQ, which I will need lots of spoons for. So. Rest.

I’ve started compiling my second Hour of Bounce for Radio ANJI. Successfully broadcast last night at 9PM PST, and it should repeat for the next four days at the same time if you want to catch the hour and sixteen minutes of groove. It actually kept me up past my bedtime, because I was so happy with how it sounded and flowed. I still need to record an extro bounce. I have zero ideas for a jingle, but I’m thinking about it. Garage Band will hopefully help me out there.

It’s funny, but I always wanted to run a pirate radio station. It took the internet to make that happen.

It’s also giving me all sorts of ideas for short music films. So I continue to upload music for all four of my listeners, not counting myself.

In other news, things remain challenging and frustrating and I am not a happy camper, but I don’t appear to be in the hole today, so YAY.

I do what I can with I have and pray.

Husband is ill too. Please send good vibes and healing thoughts.

* * *

And in other news, after too long and all the edits, the advance reader copy of The Apocalypse Bell will be going out soon. If you don’t get the Ursa Major Books DRCs and want to, drop me a note at angela at ursa-major-books.com and I’ll add you to the list. Cover painting is coming along too.

* * *

Nine days and counting as of noon today! Please get the word out!

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