angela_n_hunt: (Me 2014)
[personal profile] angela_n_hunt
A long time ago, some shit went down and I won't go into details, because frankly, the details bore me and more than likely would bore you too. But the situation is fresh in my mind. It's about how things end, and i find myself sitting with a shit ton of anger today which is, of course, triggering my panic disorder into all sorts of fun things.

Not.

Sometimes, endings aren't always good ones. Sometimes things end with tears and a voyage, or in this case, recrimations and betrayal, rather than smiles and a wedding. The World is going through a convulsive upheaval, and many things are Ending, while others are Beginning. And this time, it's ending with a lot of anger and tears.

What a time to be alive, eh?

But all the things that used to terrify me? I find that right now, they do nothing more than make me laugh in a way that says maybe I should start shopping for that gingerbread house sooner than later. Mer calls it being a feminist monstrosity, a member of the Harpy Corps.

I call it being the Devil.

The Devil really gets a bad rap if you think about it. Totally set up and gaslit by his deity and then thrown in perdition as a warning to anyone else who might think about holding to their highest truth and honor, defying contradictory Law.  Except...that really hasn't worked, has it?

We're living in a world right now where people who call themselves onstensibly Christian spout hate and violence, and the people volunteering to protect the innocent and the weak are the fucking Church of Satan. Let that sink in. The motherfucking Church of SATAN. How the hell did that happen? I swear, it's like we're all through the fucking looking glass and no one knows the way out except a few of us who know the only way to win is to go forward and move your pieces across the chessboard. There's no going back. There's only forward. Trying to go back is what got us here. Trying to appease people who had no intention of ever being appeased and who are so empty that nothing will ever be enough to fill that void. Not the power, not the money, not the fame, not the adulation of being told how wonderful they are, not any of it.

So I find myself with a great deal of sympathy for the Devil and wondering why it's such a bad thing to be considered one. Right now, He's the only one standing up for some of us. If that makes me evil, so be it. In fact, fuck yeah. I've always wanted to be officially evil. I hear we get jackets.

Because being "nice" hasn't worked. Playing by the rules when the opposition has thrown out the rule book hasn't fucking worked. Being authentic and true to yourself, that kinda does, or so far seems to. The other will kill you. It certainly came damn close to killing me. I stopped being the Witch there for a couple of years. The one who's not good, who's not nice, who's just right. Right for herself, not anyone else.

Why is it wrong to want justice? To want others to suffer the way that you have? To understand at a visceral level the hell that you've been through? I'm not a good person. I'm not about rising above it all. Some people need to be put down like dogs and opposed with every fiber of your being. There are absolutes in the world. Not a whole fucking lot of them, but they do exist, and sometimes the right thing to do is so fucking obvious and in your face, I don't know how you fucking miss it.

But people do.

And if you bring it up...

You're the Devil.

You're the Devil for demanding that people own their shit and look at the truth of who they are, whatever that truth may be, good or bad. No cherry picking the attributes that we want others to admire in us, but all of them. For instance, I am routinely petty, spiteful, and fucking vengeful. They're all pretty serious failings.

And I'm totally okay with that. I'm fucking human. Sometimes the world needs pettiness, spite, and vengeance. Especially vengeance. I'm good with vengeance.

What I'm not good with is people telling me there's nothing we can do and to just fucking give up. Civilisation is over, blah, blah, blah.

And people call me depressed.

Fuck you.

I didn't come here to fucking give up. If you're not making your corner of the world a better place, you're doing has been worthless. Call it Anji's Corollary to Schroeinger's Law.

Screw you. I want a better world. Me and Jenny Sparks.

And if that means being the Devil?

So fucking mote it fucking be.
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