Yeah. What can I say here that I haven’t already said a lot of times before?
* * *
I’m doing better than I was first thing this morning, but only just.
I should be driving to Utah right now. I should be running tomorrow in Zion.
Instead, I am here. It just didn’t work out. It never seems to work out. Any time I want to do something for myself like this, it always bankrupts us or is done at so low a level as to be almost unpleasant because I can never afford really nice accommodations and really excellent food. I’m sick of living a low rent life. This is why I’m so aggro about the Not So Sekrit Projekt. Why I’m refusing to do it on a shoestring. I’m done with that. I am sick and tired of cutting pieces of myself off to be small enough to be comfortable enough and unthreatening enough to people around me.
Tired. I’m just fucking tired.
I hurt, heart-hurt.
Yeah, that would be the hole. Hello.
If I could do anything, I would be getting on a plane right now and heading to Zion. Staying at the nicest place I could get and renting a jeep, toting all of my camera gear and then some. And I would stay for a week, because I’d have someone here to take care of the Ant and the girls.